I Have My Mother’s Hands

I have my mother’s hands.
I was never one who could lead a crowd,
So I sang with the people
And nearly drowned.
And I have my father’s hands, too.
Sometimes, the knuckles, they turn blue
With rage, not white.
But I’ve not once raised them in a fight.
My grandmother’s are there
In the nails kept bare
Because yarn causes cracks and flakes.
And polish chips don’t help when you bake.
I see generations in the span
In the space between fingers, in what I can
Or can’t do.
One day maybe I’ll see you
And your hand, so small, so pink.
Sometimes I want you so bad, and I think
Of the history passed beyond you and me,
A future maybe I’ll grow to see.
But for now I’m alone, walking the land
With the memories held
In the palm of a hand.

I Wish I Still Had Scars From You

I wish I still had scars from you.
Because when I remember
how I hurt you,
I want to rip my skin
into shreds of paper
that blow in the wind until I am no more.
I wish I could bleed,
tear at my soul
until nothing exists
but the blood and the bone
of my very being
and I am alone.
It hurts to recall,
a pit in my stomach
growing and absorbing all light and life
until it sits,
gnawing at my heart,
indulging in each beat with relish.
And I’m sorry.
There’s a passive aggressive bone hidden
somewhere within the ribs,
maybe the third one down,
and it poisons my mind.
And I’m sorry.
My blood is ichor,
but the devil’s instead,
and it scorches and twists through veins
until boiling into one unleashed act.
And I’m sorry
that I can’t find the words to express it.
That I have to be rude.
That I pushed you away.
Because I can’t have people close
when I fail to live up to
the expectations
of myself.

Love Discarded

I have issues, this I know.
For my history tells me so.
But you were different, never the worst,
never thinking I was cursed,
or flawed.
Maybe if I still believed in God.

But it’s painful, sometimes,
you and me,
the way we be,
is it heaven or hell
(it hurts so bad I cannot tell).

And I still love you.
Or I think I do, or did;
split apart, god forbid
in hide and seek if I hid,
because you would never search for me.

It’s leaves on the branches in a tree,
our love the breeze,
our bodies dashed on the ground,
broken skeletons of plants dissolved,
so I let you go.

We Hired Ourselves

We hired ourselves,
Young and innocent,
“He reminds me of you.”
True, yes,
but did I have the outlook of a day on fire,
the air poison, no sense of desire
with everything pain?
Did I sit in the silence, mesmerized by rain
and seeing nothing but fall?
I guess I did.
And I wonder if you ever saw me at all.
Because if that’s what I remind you of,
if this kid is me,
then I pity you.
We hired ourselves,
and in him,
I see you.

The Dice

Six seconds.
Fight, die, live,
it’s all decided
in the space of a moment,
a fraction of a minute,
a tenth of our time.
Do I run,
flee,
leave company behind
thirty feet away?
(but I’m short,
I’ve always been,
so twenty-five).
Do I fight,
tooth and nail,
pinned to the ground
by a villain
we cannot see.
Do I wait for an outcome,
for them to move closer,
to see the whites of their eyes
before firing,
missing or killing
but at least acting.
Six seconds.
I count them on one hand,
the sixth a dice
thrown on the table,
my action an arrow,
my fate in the dice.

I’m Obsessed

World’s Turning,
and I Don’t Want To Know.
it’s Secondhand News,
that i’m Nothing Without You.
Brown Eyes, Cool Water.
Crystal Dreams Everywhere;
Fireflies, Dragonflies.
Little Lies.
Don’t Stop.
i’m Hypnotized.

Sara,
my Rhiannon,
my Albatross,
I’m So Afraid.
In The Back Of My Mind
Isn’t It Midnight?
i Need Your Love So Bad,
our Tango In The Night.

Love Is Dangerous,
but Love Shines.
my Seven Wonders,
my Silver Springs,
Gold Dust Woman,
I Do. I Do. I Do.

i’m a Sentimental Lady,
I Know I’m Not Wrong.
so Save Me,
Say You Love Me,
Say You Will.
I’m in Over My Head,
Over And Over,
Only Over You.
it’s a Monday Morning Landslide,
and i Can’t Go Back
Without You.

A Tree Fell in the Garden

From death always comes life;
All things begin anew
In the garden of my soul
And in the valley that is you.
My heart begins to sing
From the marrow of my being;
And all the things I’ve ever been
I’ve laid out for you, seeing
If you’ll save me from this life
Of endless pain and dying
And bring this earth to great renown
Or leave mother nature crying.

I posted this on my Instagram, https://www.instagram.com/p/BwlQtcCHCwi/?utm_source=ig_share_sheet&igshid=1la1iyxbbea20 ,in honor of Earth Day. Because if we forget what the world has given us, and the beauty in both life and death, then we’ve forgotten where we come from and where we’ll return. Everything is a circle. We just need to appreciate and care for what we have.