It is hard to find the words to express what emotions fill me as I look back on the past year, to express my fears and hopes for the year ahead. Each year in retrospect becomes a whirlwind of thoughts and memories, and each coming year becomes a daunting black hole that sucks all ponderings into a stew of nervous wondering. But I will attempt to explain, so understanding in the new year can be grasped at some point.
I have been graced by many opportunities this past year. I have gotten the opportunity to run my own classroom of one-year-olds, and train someone who has become a better friend than I could ask for. I have seen snow, though the reason behind it is not the most pleasant one, but it awakened in me a need to travel and to live that I haven’t had in a while. I watched my sister get married, and remembered the importance of family as members I hadn’t seen in what feels like ages gathered in a barn to dance the night away. I have met children who opened my eyes to a childlike wonder I had forgotten. My year has been privileged, and I am lucky to realize that.
And yet, it has been a year that has thrown me into contemplation. I have questioned my happiness, my position, my goals. I have felt stuck, frustrated, angry. I have cried more than I should have, I have wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, and I have laughed with a circle of friends that I never thought I would have. I have come away with bruises, with an ability to protect myself, with the single goal of doing a sit-up completed. I have never felt more.
This new year will be the same; I can feel it in my soul. So I embrace it. I search for it. And I invite you to come with me.
There is nothing to hold me down now. With much regret and a heavy heart, I quit the job that has given me a form of meaning these past two and a half years. With anticipation, fear, and excitement, I dropped everything for this journey. And it will be a journey. I am packing my car and leaving once the new year is starting to pale into normalcy.
I don’t know where I’m going, and I like it that way. All I know is that I want you to be there. Because maybe, just maybe, my journey can help you.